Rainbows and Unicorns

I feel compelled to write since I keep seeing things on my Facebook feed and in the news about breastfeeding and apparently August is National Breastfeeding Awareness Month. Who knew?! And is that necessary? It certainly seems to me that everyone is pretty aware of it and everyone has their own opinions on it. I'm tired of reading about how moms are asked to cover up or excuse themselves when they have to feed their babies. It. Is. Natural. It is how our bodies are made. Get over it and get over yourself. Look away.

That shit is hard. No need to shame a mother who wants to feed her child. No doubt she is emotional, exhausted, possibly depressed, overwhelmed, worried, anxious...I could go on. I wanted to quit every single day for the first months of my baby's life. And I felt guilty for it every day. I felt like a quitter. A failure. But I was stubborn. I kept thinking it would get easier and I refused to give up until I knew for sure I had given it my all (whatever that meant...I never defined it). I felt like if I stopped that I wouldn't have given it a fair shot and that I was cheating her. I questioned how much my baby was getting at every feeding. Was it enough? Was I providing for her? I had to supplement with formula within the first week of her existence because my supply wasn't up to snuff yet and she was tiny. I felt so defeated, among other things. I expected it to be hard but not THAT hard. She wanted to eat every one to two hours. She would cry and I would have no idea what was the matter and my heart ached. I would cry. There is nothing worse than a frustrated baby when you don't know how to "fix" her. It's a mothers instinct. It is hard. I will say it over and over again. Don't let anyone tell you otherwise and don't let anyone make you feel guilty if you choose not to do it. I see why people don't. You have to do what is best for you and your baby and your marriage.

I had a personal goal of 6 months of exclusive breastfeeding her. I'm 5 months in and I will do it for as long I can. It took us a good 8-9 weeks to get it straight but I hung in there. I was determined. It was a personal decision. It was exhausting and emotional, but mother hood is. I'm glad I did it. There is a very sweet side to it and it's a beautiful thing. But it isn't for everyone and that is ok. It isn't all rainbows and unicorns. Anyone who tells you that is lying. And I'd like to thank all of my friends and family who I so desperately sought advice from and who were there for us. It means a lot to me because I certainly needed the support.

Meech

Checking in

Hello Slacker (me not you)! I have been wanting to write but I feel like I don't have much to say these days that are spent changing diapers, entertaining my 5 month old, and napping when I have the chance! Hope all is well and I'll be back soon with my thoughts on motherhood!

Meech